


Songbird

by PandaMega



Category: One Piece
Genre: Childhood, Children, M/M, crybabies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-10
Updated: 2018-12-10
Packaged: 2019-09-15 22:03:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941513
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PandaMega/pseuds/PandaMega
Summary: Childhood AU. A young Eustass sorts through his emotions on his last day in his childhood home. This is a story about little baby crybabies and first loves that are beyond understanding.





	Songbird

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a short story I wrote for a creative writing class in 2013… fck i feel old.

This morning the first songbird came home too early for spring. It shivered on a windowsill, opened its beak to sing, and choked on a cold gust of wind. A young boy watched it sit there for a while, tucking its head into its plumage, all puffed up and shivering. It didn't move when Eustass approached the window, didn't move when he opened the window, didn't move when little hands, pink and clammy, reached out for it. The little bird simply trembled, fitting snugly between the small, warm fingers, weak and resigned to its fate at the boy’s mercy.

No one called Eustass Kidd a “nice boy” but he certainly wasn’t a cruel child by any means. Something about that helpless little bird, tiny and frail and soft, struck something inside him and could not be ignored. He looked around his room and spotted a box of tissues, half-empty. He set the bird inside of it, not knowing what else to do, and then placed the box on his nightstand. He decided he would just leave the bird there, in his home, because tomorrow it would no longer be his home. Hopefully it would be warmer in the house and spring would come soon and the little bird would find its way outside to its home again. 

He wondered if the little bird would have died out there in the cold. He wondered if it would die anyway. He wondered why it was so weak it had to be protected. He wondered why when a boy’s father dies he’s told to protect his mother and become the man of the house but if his mother dies he’s not told to protect his father. He wonders why when it had always been his mother doing the protecting, always his mother who was stronger. Now there was no one to protect the man from himself, and no one to protect Eustass from his father. He wondered what he was supposed to do as his father fell apart, as the liquor bottles accumulated and pink papers flooded the mailbox and dirty dishes piled up in the kitchen sink despite no one doing any cooking. He wondered what he could do besides listen quietly to the stifled sobbing from behind his bedroom wall, or duck his head when the man yelled and swung his fists. He wondered if he could really protect anything the way he was. He’d never been anything more than just a bully, like his dad. He’d always felt weak, weak under his father’s words, his hand, his belt, but he felt especially weak now. The kind of weakness he felt when he saw his father’s eyes in the morning, tired and red and puffy, made him feel oppressively powerless. 

The little bird’s eyes were big and dark and wet, like Traf’s. They also made him feel powerless. But Traf made him feel powerless in a different way. His eyes almost hurt to look at but he could never look away. Trafalgar Law was the sad looking boy who lived down the street, a few years older than him, cooler than him, smarter than him, and lonelier than him. Whenever Eustass looked in his eyes he would choke like that little bird on the cold wind, which is why he’d never been able to talk to the boy. He ran away every time, eyes stinging just a little, while Law would stand there quietly in that long black coat he wore through every season, so worn it was nearly grey, fingers on that little necklace shaped abstractly like a heart. Eustass thought the boy probably wore the necklace to sleep because it was always on him and he always held it in his fingers as if the world would fall apart if he let it go. Kidd wondered if the boy ever thought of running after him, but the boy was too calm for that with nothing but something dark and sad in his tired, wet eyes. 

Eustass was going to kiss him today. He had no clue how, he’d never kissed anyone before, except Bonney who didn’t count because she was practically his sister. But he’d come to this decision very seriously the other night, and it grew into something very important that just had to be done no matter what. He wondered what Traf would do, couldn’t imagine the boy with anything other than quiet sadness on his face, which somehow hurt to think about. If he kissed him he’d never be able to look at Traf again but it didn’t matter because after today he’d never see him again. 

Spindly arms were stuck through a fluffy red jacket that Eustass’s parents bought him in third grade. The sleeves didn’t reach his wrists anymore but it still fit more or less, except for the top few buttons when he wore the scarf his mom knitted for him. He wore the scarf anyway though, he’d need it in case he chickened out and started crying and would need to wipe his face. His boots were a little too big so maneuvering around the packed boxes and suitcases was awkward, and he just prayed he didn’t trip while running away after kissing Trafalgar.

He walked quickly down the street, the cold winter air nipping at his ears and tangling his bright red hair. When he reached Trafalgar’s house he had not been expecting to see the boy already outside talking with someone else. It was that kid Penguin. They were talking, like friends, and suddenly Eustass felt really, really useless. He’d never actually talked with Law and here he was showing up at the boy’s house with the wild idea of kissing him on the lips. Suddenly his heart was racing too fast and he felt awfully hot under mom’s scarf. Traf was standing there as calmly as always in his black coat, fingers on his necklace, frowning and talking to his friend. 

Eustass was frozen in place, not sure to approach or just run away now. And then Penguin leaned in to Law and wrapped his arms around the boy and squeezed him in a hug and it felt like all the breath had left Eustass’s lungs and he had to get away now. What had he been thinking? This whole situation was just so awkward and alien and Kidd panicked, and that’s exactly when Law glanced over at him and they made eye contact. 

Eustass was nearly tripping over his boots running home before he knew it. His throat had clenched up and his hands were shaking and he felt so, so, foolish. His eyes stung in the cold air and he wasn’t sure if the tears were a result of the chill or something else. He couldn’t decide if it was fine or not that he would never see either of them again, but there was something heavy inside his chest that hurt too much to think about it.

He ran into the house, kicked off his boots and curled up on the couch, pulling the unfinished blanket mom was knitting up to his chest and burying his face into it. It still smelled like her which makes him feel both calm and sad. He had to be careful not to pull on the yarn or the entire thing would come undone and it would be like it was never made and never existed in the first place, which was terrifying to think about, because it was evidence that mom had lived, and mom was no longer there to fix it if something were to happen to it. He decided it was too dangerous to hold, so he gently wiped his face with it, then folded it carefully back over the arm of the couch. There was another blanket that she made on his bed upstairs, so he decided to wrap himself up in that one instead, because it will never come unraveled. 

The tissue box squeaked when he crawled into bed, and he remembered the songbird sleeping there. Sitting up and curling his legs under him he picked up the tissue box and set it in his lap, then wrapped the blanket around both of them and over his head like a hood. This was probably the best way to wear a blanket. When it was new, it was like being wrapped up in mom's arms because it smelled like her. It smelled warm and sweet like her hair and skin and perfume and books, and everything she cooked like onions and pasta and cakes. She spent weeks making it and over time it would come to smell like all the things that made her his mom because she would knit in the morning, after work, after dinner, and sometimes before bed when he would curl up in the finished part of the blanket with his head in her lap and they would talk about things like her job or his classes and she would ask him about Trafalgar and laugh when he hid his face in the blanket. Sometimes dad would make snacks and sit with them and they would all watch a movie together. But the blanket didn’t smell like her anymore. It had been on his bed for so long, and wrapped up over his head like this so many times that her sweet perfume and musty books and spicy cooking were all gone. So maybe this wasn't the best way to wear a blanket if you wanted to preserve it.

He couldn’t see the bird anymore when he looked down at it because his eyes were all blurry and wet. His chest tightened involuntarily and he couldn’t breathe properly anymore and he was sobbing. And then the tissue box began to sing. The bird sang loud enough that he could cry and no one would hear him, even if his dad was home and in the room next door. Maybe dad should get a songbird who would sing to him at night, that way he could cry as loud as he wanted and not worry about being heard.

Eustass felt heavy and tired and almost fell asleep when the doorbell rang. He wasn’t sure who it could be, so he pulled the blanket around him carefully and lifted the tissue box into his arms to sneak downstairs and peek out the window. It was Trafalgar. Something jumped in his chest and his throat got very tight. He could only see his hair but he would recognize it anywhere, raven black and messy. Law turned his head to the window and looked at Eustass with his dark, round eyes that were even more shiny and wet from the cold. There was nothing Eustass could do but open the door. He pulled the blanket up around his face because his eyes were swollen and he looked gross and he couldn't use any tissues because there was a little bird sleeping in them. 

Traf didn't say anything for a while, and suddenly Eustass felt bad for making him stand outside in the cold with only his long black coat which didn't look very warm. 

"You're moving," Law said finally, just as Eustass started shuffling to the side to let him in. His voice is soft as a whisper, and Eustass could feel his eyes prickle with wetness as he nodded his head. 

He continued, "Your dad told my guardians." 

Kidd nodded again and sunk his head deeper into the folds of the blanket. 

Trafalgar stood there quietly, like he always did, and Eustass stood in front of him silently without looking at him, like he always did. From above the blanket he could see Law’s fingers move up to his necklace in the folds of his collar, like he usually did, and then his hands moved towards Kidd’s face, who tensed as Law brushed the top of the blanket from his head where it fell around his shoulders. Kidd felt something cold fall around his neck. 

Law was smiling and Eustass was a drippy mess as the older boy pulled the blanket back over the messy red hair and wiped his eyes with an oversized black sleeve. Eustass looked down, breath stuck in his lungs, and saw that precious little heart necklace now draped around his neck, and was stunned for a few moments. His eyes then flicked down to the tissue box he held and he wasn’t sure exactly what he was doing or why, but he pushed the box into Trafalgar’s arms and gave it to him. The boy looked utterly confused, until the little bundle started singing.

Trafalgar inhaled sharply, then held the box very close, looking down with wide eyes which became shinier and wetter. He bit his lip and looked away, swallowed. Eustass couldn’t read the emotion on Law’s face, but it seemed like the boy was about to leave and he panicked for something to say. He suddenly remembered his mission to kiss the boy and was struck by how utterly terrifying the idea was at that moment.

Throat seizing up, Kidd choked out “Goodbye,” and felt the word settle heavily in his chest as it left his mouth, realizing this was the first word he’d ever said to the boy. 

Law looked up with warm, glistening eyes, standing there for a moment, then swept his head to the side to look off somewhere distant. Eustass’s little hands trembled in little balls at his chest, one pair of fingers pressed tightly around the little heart pendant. 

“Goodbye.”

Trafalgar’s voice was like silk and he wore a smile that looked too sad to be a smile, and before Kidd could think to do anything else the older boy was drifting off down the driveway and down the street. His shoulders were tensed up by his ears like he was really cold or really sad. Eustass watched the boy disappear over the hill and closed the door, pulling the blanket further over his head. Warm tears dripped on the shiny metal of the necklace in his fingers. 

The first and only words spoken between them were goodbyes. 

Eustass wandered helplessly through the house, heart heavy and confused, and finally decided on washing the dishes and cooking before his father came home. The pile of dishes were slowly cleaned and packed away, and by the time his father returned Kidd was cooking scrambled eggs with stale pasta and canned tomato sauce for dinner, which wasn't good but Dad still ate all of it. It was obvious that both of them missed mom's cooking, but they didn't say anything. They didn’t ask each other about their days because neither of them wanted to talk about their own day. They washed the dishes in silence and then packed them away into a prepared cardboard box. 

Father’s eyelids sagged and his feet moved heavily, but after the dishes were washed he put on a smile and said "Are you ready for an adventure?" 

Eustass nodded 'yes' and ran to his room to shove his blanket into his suitcase, wrestle it closed, and drag it to the front door. It felt surreal to be leaving and emotions welled up in his chest, but he was glad. Without his mother the house didn’t feel the same. It didn't feel like home anymore. Without mother, dad didn’t feel the same either. He was starting to feel like a different man, or less of a man, broken. Nothing felt the same without her, and yet, everything was the same. The world had kept turning even though she was gone. 

They lifted all the boxes filled with their lives and memories into the back of a trailer. The boxes moved easily in father’s arms. He noticed Eustass touching a piece of metal around his neck and a mournful frown crossed his features but he didn’t say anything about it. Instead he said they'd be driving for a long time and they couldn’t bring everything, but Eustass should make sure he had everything important because they wouldn’t be able to come back. 

Eustass glanced back at the house and decided to run through it one more time. He wasn’t sure if he should try to memorize every corner before leaving, all the places where he’d built his memories to date, but it was too painful.

Seeing the unfinished blanket still on the couch, Eustass grabbed it hastily, taking it along with mom’s bag of knitting needles. It seemed important not to leave this behind, and not to leave the blanket unfinished. When his dad saw him walk towards the car with the big bag, carefully cradling the blanket, he tried to smile but his lips were tight. His eyes were like Traf's, dark and wet, and it made Kidd’s eyes sting. 

Kidd wasn’t sure where they were going, and he was afraid to ask his dad because that face of his made him look much older as if he might break. Eustass had the sudden image of putting his dad in a box of tissues to keep him safe. Instead, he just fumbled with the blanket in his hands. 

After many hours of driving they came to a road with many songbirds. It was still chilly, but Eustass rolled down the window anyway. The sun was warm on his face, despite the air being cold. He didn’t understand the emotions he felt seeing the songbirds out here, feeling the first touches of spring in this place far from home. 

**Author's Note:**

> I really want to continue this, I probably will eventually, but I have too much other stuff to finish first.


End file.
